There's a new rhythm to my days, a new focus. I'm busier than I've ever been and yet I feel more energized and awake, which is nice.
The weird thing is, it's not like all that much has changed. Not on the surface, anyway. I go out to check the horses a couple of times a day, as I always have. I skip social events and trim my budget to make room for horse expenses and tack replacements, as I always have. I fill my house with horse-related paraphernalia and decor, as I always have.
And yet, somehow, it's all different. The time I spend checking on the horses is, now, focused. Consistent. Goal-oriented, even if that goal is just "get more comfortable doing [x] or [y] together." Instead of going out to check and feed twice a day, I go out three or four or five times, briefly, just because I can and because I want to.
It's like... I've always made horses a not-insignificant factor in my life, but now I have a reason, an excuse, to pour more energy into the aspects of my life influenced by them. And I love that. I've missed that more than I thought.
And despite my doubts, I'm finding a truer sense of balance. I still have time to write - less than before, but somehow it's more productive. I am more productive. I sit down and words fall from my fingers faster than they did before, so I get more done in less time and I'm happier doing it. The house is... not perfectly clean, but then it never was before. And honestly, I'm spending so much time outside (and so are the kids) that we don't really get a chance to make messes in the house.
I know that this balance won't last - something will come up and I'll have to reevaluate and adjust. But you know, I think I"m okay with that. I'm finally getting that balance isn't a static state, that it is made up of all those micro-moments of change and movement. I think I'm okay with shifting and dancing and changing things as they come up, because at least now I have purpose and direction (murky as it might be, still).
We'll see. All I know is that right now, I'm loving my summer of all-horses-most-of-the-time. :)